Driving Miss Crazy

I am the perfect driver.

Not according to my husband and my children who have recently started to critique my skills, but according to the Registry of Motor Vehicles.

No speeding tickets. No warnings, in fact. I was hit once from behind in Richmond, VA but barely a dent.  Since November 1985 I have been a conscientious and safe driver.

If it says No Turn On Red, I obey.  If I come to a Stop sign, I stop. I don't run red lights and ALWAYS use my turn signal. No joke; humongous pet peeve of mine - it's strategically placed on the steering column - how hard is it to flip up and down??

I will admit, I do not drive the speed limit and will often text at red lights. Fault me for that, but catch me if you can.

Now, let's all knock on some wood. Thanks.

I don't boast about my 25 yr driving record because I think I'm the epitome of the perfect driver, I simply bring it up because it scares the crap out of me who is on the road these days. 

Take the nut case this morning who got completely flustered when he heard sirens, sort of ran a red light, changed his mind, backed up a little bit but not enough to get out of the middle of the intersection, and then left his car in reverse waiting for the green light.  We all saw his little white lights and KNEW as soon as the light turned green he'd be jetting backwards. We were right.

Luckily, I was two cars away and as soon as he felt his car going in the wrong direction he fixed it, but seriously dude. What were you thinking?

So I propose that not only the elderly, but ever driver get retested ever 10 years. Yup. Even me. Heck, we can make it an online thing or simulated test and the real deal every 20 years.

If you get your license at age 17, you go back at 27, 37, 47, 57, etc.  Imagine how many drunks and drug addicts we could get off the road with this method - and trust me they are out there - I read the Police Logs.

Charlie shows up for his test after a nice, late night at the local tavern reeking of the $1 draft special. Suspended, dude - thanks for playing. Or the heroin addict that comes in with the shakes and sees hallucinations while parallel parking. Buh-bye. Get off my roads.

I know, I know. You're thinking, "It costs money. It'll back up the system. People will skip the tests. It'll do blah, blah, blah". Step up people. Be responsible and quit complaining every time the rules-as-you-know-them change. Don't throw the "I have a right" bologna this way - I have a right to be safe on the roads without wondering if you know what the hell you're doing behind the wheel. Prove you're a good driver, if you think you are one. (Feels like a Bobby Flay style driving challenge)

Remember, as with pregnancy, it only takes ONE positive test to get a license.  After that, you are on your own.

That is my random sampling of one - but just wanted to share. And I'll be on hiatus for a few days as we reconnect with some friends we haven't seen in years. 

Things I learned in Driver's Ed

Dear Random Driver,

Here are a few things I learned in my Driver's Ed class that I wanted to share with you because obviously you got jipped from the place you went since you don't seem to know any of this:

1. When you see a sign that shows the right lane ending, and then the right lane ends, that means you no longer have a lane and you should probably look in your side mirror to see if I'm next to you on the left before you come on over. I'll repeat: YOUR lane ended, not mine. I've been there the whole time.

2. There's a little stick attached to your driving column (that's the steering wheel) and it makes those little lights on the front and back of your car flash so I know when you want to move from side to side. In fact, this little stick can be put on and off with your left hand pinkie - genius. You don't even need to take your hands off the steering wheel, assuming you have them on your steering wheel and not on your iPod, cell phone, CD player, Blackberry or waving aimlessly at the person on the other end of the cell phone! Use the little stick!

3. When you find yourself on the highway and you see me coming up on the left, if you decide to pull out in front of me, you are going to want to be sure you are going FASTER than me. It's funny, but things in motion, stay in motion, so if you suddenly pull out in front of me and go SLOWER than me, there is a good chance I'll be up your ass in no time. Things in motion...nevermind.

4. Red means stop. Red means stop. Red means stop.

Thanks,
The other driver on the road