I haven't slept in 3 years

I'm afraid of the dark - sort of. I am pretty blind (and wore glasses JUST LIKE these when I was younger) so the fact that it's dark at night and I have to take my glasses off at bed time means that when my son enters my room at 2:30 a.m. to inform me he's peed the bed, again, I usually lunge at him in karate-chop mode, but he's gotten used to this.

I also don't sleep on weekends. For the past 3 years or so, hubby has worked the 3rd shift on Sat/Sun/Mon nights which has left me with the two kids and my phobia for the dark every weekend. Usually by Tuesday night I am so exhausted I am in bed by 9:00 to catch up on my 3 sleepless nights.

Every Saturday around 8 p.m. I begin the same conversation with myself,

"Hi self. Tonight you are just going to go to bed and relax and fall asleep. No one is going to climb in the window and murder you. Burglars don't aim for houses with shining street lights in front of them..."

Then around 9 p.m. I have a new conversation,

"Hi self. Me again. I know...I have an idea. Go to bed now. That way you can lay awake for a little while and watch TV in bed. Yeah, that will work. Then you'll just drift off."

And by 10 p.m. I am locking the house down like it's FBI headquarters, checking in the garage one more time to be sure no one is lurking under my car, staring out front for shadows and begging the dog to bark if he hears anything during the night so I can find my glasses and at least see my attacker heading towards me. Then I go upstairs and listen to every possible noise the house makes as it "settles" and convince myself someone is wandering around on the first floor ready to make their move.

Am I nuts? Yes. But all I know is hubby is finally moving to the day shift next week and I CAN'T WAIT to sleep on the weekends again!!!! Turn off the lights and unplug the night lights!! I'm ready for the dark.